Almost On the Move

The time is approaching fast, we are almost ready to embark on our NYC trip. Twenty chaperons are about to face the challenge of keeping track of 108 teenagers in the Big Apple for 5 glorious days. I have gone through all of my typical organization.

MAKING LISTS
CLEANING HOUSE
LAUNDRY
DOGS CLIPPED AND BATHED
PRESCRIPTIONS
ALLITERATIONS
TRIP PLANS

Geez, the list goes on and on, and the clock is a tick'n! UGH!! With all the new security changes, I am talking since last summer, this has been a little unsettling. Now more than ever I am looking forward to time in Oahu upon our return. It certainly doesn't help that my son has Finals upon returning, poor kid. He has managed a 3.8 all year and this might possible drop that a bit, we shall see.

I am extremely proud of his ability to adapt to High School, attempt to be comfortable in a crowd of his peers, and really attempting to engage in conversation. The social aspect has been huge since Kindergarten, and the late diagnosis of Asperger, which speaks directly to this issue. So, this year and his accomplishments have been huge, socially and academically. This trip means allot because of all of these things and they are singing at CARNEGIE HALL, how wonderful is that?

I love my kids, I love seeing them grow, learn, discover themselves and how they fit into this world. It is a transitional process and it never ends no matter how old we get. Gosh, I am proud of them!

My Daughter

I read my daughter's new post this morning, ( as I usually do ), it provides insight into her world and random thoughts. This year has been rough on their family and their time is not as available as it had been. So, these posts have become my way of connecting with her. I am saddened by some of the things I see and happy about others, but that is the cycle of life isn't it. Sometimes we rejoice, sometimes we cry, scream and bite the bullet. She has developed quite an inner circle of compadres in her blog world. They connect in a way that only they "get" and it works.
I think it is quite odd that these people have known each other for possibly years and have never seen each other in the flesh. Oh they talk about the flesh..allot..blue humor...I cringe, but they seem to zing off of one another with the greatest of ease, and the loyalty to one another is impressive.

Today, she was referring to herself as a grown up and listed all the ugly things we are responsible for as grownups. These things being mortgages, bills, children etc. Well this kid has been a "grown up" for quite a while actually, but this year she has GROWN!

My delightfully witty daughter and her husband ( aka, love of her life, soul mate, etc) purchased a new home, in which they recently celebrated their first full year in. Unfortunately, they miscalculated and have not been able to sell their previous home. Grown up--yep with 2 mortgage payments..OUCH!! Son-in-law, worked himself up and out of the local Oil Fields and earned his Real Estate Appraisers License, all while providing for his family of 5. Not a small feat, by any stretch of the imagination. He was offered a great job, with working conditions that were relaxing and condusive to learning and earning a Good Living.

They purchased 2 new ( used, new to them) vehicles. They had gotten by for years with one and son-in-law was good at repairing it....one of those guys. After only a couple of months in the new house, son-in-law loses his job, not because of his work ethic , but the company is going down( long story , but that about covers it). These two, did not bat an eye, but shouldered the problem and over the weekend managed to get everything in place to begin their own company.
They have busted their fannies and are working hard to make a success of their company, and managing to handle 2 mortgage payments, 2 car payments and raise 3 kids in a new home.

This family is yet another example of the American Dream, take the knowledge that God has given you and the strength He renews every day and make it happen. They struggle at times and become discouraged at others, completly unaware of the the cheering section that silently watches. Yes sweetie, you're a grown up now! Your friends are a bit odd and that's ok, long gone are the days you require my approval for how you conduct your life. Likewise, I don't ask for yours regarding mine..mutual respect works. I am proud of you and hubby for being an inspiration to my beautiful granchildren..through all the ups and downs.

Friends Remembered, Continued

I can vividly remember sitting in church listening to the Prelude, and watching as people came in searching for a seat. As my husband and I sat and chatted I looked over my shoulder to see three young couples walking in together. They sat down and immediately began to chat amongst themselves and I remember feeling a bit envious of their connection with one another. Silly, because I had intentionally put my wall up and was only allowing a few people in. However, this was a group of people I was instantly drawn to. The next week or so these people found their way into our young couples class and it was the beginning of something special.

Young couples are a fun quirky group of people. You are all starting out, making your homes, assimilating your family guidelines from one another's respective homes and enjoying real freedom. You realize that it comes with real financial responsibilities and learning to compromise with your new spouse. This was the stuff that great "girl talk" was made of and as we all began to get together we naturally shared notes. We shared notes, laughter, food, football games and church activities together. These were the "Texans", and as I quickly found out, they were all related, thus the great feeling of family when I observed them on that first Sunday morning. One couple had been married several years and had a young toddler of 3 , the other couple had been married a few years and had a 10 month old son, and the other couple were newlyweds like us. The two women with children were sisters and the young groom was their 20 year old brother. They were funny, charming, down to earth, and warm. Perhaps it was the fact that my parents and grandparents were from Oklahoma and that down home warmth was something I was drawn to, whatever it was, it was great to gather with the "Texans".

I am proud to say I am still friends with them to this very day, but just not like it all started. Life provides lessons, choices, and events that change the course of our lives. I had already experienced that one and within a few short months I was about to watch one of our new friends experience it as well.

Life is full of give and take, compromises, choices and consequences....lessons well worth learning.

Remembering Friendships

Yes, it was Mother's Day and I boycotted it. I had attended the funeral of a very dear friend on Saturday and I thought my heart was going to break. My son escorted me to the service. He has turned into quite the young man. He put on his black pinstripe dress slacks,his blue dress shirt and jacket then walked into the bathroom and said, "are you ready?".
He knew this was going to be hard for me to get through and he was there offering me his arm and shoulder.

The service was beautifully planned and there was so much attention given to detail. My friends only surviving child, her daughter, had thought of everything that represented her mother. Florence was 86 years old, she had led a full, meaningful, contributory life. Women like her are rare, in fact I don't know any more like her. She had been such an important part of my youth and now the chapter has been closed. I thought of all the things she had taught me and the council she had provided and it made me smile and my eyes fill with tears. I was so lucky to have her in my life.

Then I began to think about all the other people who have touched my life along this journey 0f 53 years. When we are young we take so much for granted, we are invincible and the world is wide open without boundaries, ready to be explored. The enthusiasm is contagious on so many levels, some of us reach for the stars and some of us stay in our little corner of the world. I was part of the latter.

I had graduated from the local Community College with my general studies completed and passed my state boards for a State License in Dental Assisting. I worked at my new profession , banishing the idea of marrying my sailor and spending two years in Oahu, I enrolled in classes at the local University. I dated three guys at the same time, all three completely different in every way possible. Determined to never be hurt by a man again, I enjoyed myself ( miserably) the summer of my 21st year on this planet.
I grieved for the Gholz family, Lee, Florence and Ed and tried my best to move on. I received word at the end of Fall, as the weather was beginning to turn coooler, that Lee was engaged. By this time I had received three proposals and after hearing the news, decided to accept one. The one that was closest to my family upbringing, religious beliefs and idea of family similar to my own was my choice. Crazy mixed up kid.

My life picked up a certain natural rhythm and after the normal adjustment period our newlywed life was up and running. I became pregnant with our first child 2 months into the marriage and we purchased our first modest home 2 months after that. Not bad for two young people in their early 20's taking a stab at life. We attended church and became quite involved with the young couples class. My husband played on the church baseball team and I cheered from the stands with all the other young wives. We entertained at one another's homes, gathering for bar-b-ques,and to watch football games and car races. Out of these relationships many were casual and then there were the ones that had staying power. Ones you will never forget, that leave a hand print on your heart..just when you promise that no one will get that close again it happens.

And that's another story.....

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches prepared with butter and a glass of cold milk, these are first memories that come to mind when I think Of my mother. On most days, after returning from morning kindergarten, my mother made them for me and we would chat.

It sounds very simple, and yet those were extraordinary sandwiches, because they were accompanied with wonderful chatter and inquiries about my day. She had missed me. She wanted me to know that these moments in the afternoon were special and she was interested in what I had learned and the adventures I had been on in those short hours we were apart. I remember how it felt to peer out the window of my school bus and see her waiting for me. As I struggled to lift myself upon one of the four bar stools that surrounded the maroon tiled snackbar in our kitchen the giggles and conversation ensued, there was allot of love in that kitchen and I felt every bit of it.

My next memory is of a green hurricane lamp with roses on it. In my teen years as I anxiously readied myself for a date, she would knock at my door and simultaneously walk in. She would ask what I was going to wear, where I was going and what my evening was going to involve. We would laugh, she would suggest a few minor changes and leave me to finish getting ready. Upon my return, she would be asleep. I would find my room with the bed turned down, and my lamp set on the lowest setting with the light green rose casting a warm glow in my room ..a night light. There was allot of love symbolized in that night light.

My next memory, my wedding day, we arrived at the church just the two of us. We scampered every where giggling. First, the sanctuary to view the flowers that had been delivered, then the recreation hall to see the cake and decorations. Then back to the Bride's room to get ready and where bridesmaids were beginning to gather, we shared a look and a smile and then the chaos began. I remember how she stopped and glanced at me before she left to be escorted down the isle. As I walked the long walk down the isle on my father's arm we stopped by my mother. I pulled a yellow stem rose from my bouquet and I leaned over and told her I how much I loved her and presented it to her. She was quite surprised and moved by the gesture. Then I moved forward to begin the next stage of my life.

The night my first child was born, she was there. We all went home to mom and dads for a few days until I could get on my feet. I watched as she held my daughter and it was the beginning of a love affair that would last nine years. It was filled with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, giggles, the sharing of stories about her day, and even the sharing of the secret chocolate stash from the drawer in the kitchen.

I remember everything about our last week together, I relive it and smile.There was the trip to the mall while the girls were in school. The mutual look that was shared as an oddly dressed man walked by, followed by our usual giggles. The phone call letting me know that she and dad would be taking a day trip to Lancaster and would be back later that evening. The evening visit at home and swinging on the backporch swing for the last time. Then without warning the trip to the hospital. I remember staying by her bedside and vowing not to leave her. I talked for hours until vital signs cleared, it was endless chatter, trying to get it all in, willing her to live and knowing she wouldn't. At 57 years of age my mother was gone, and at 53 I still miss her laughter and inquiries about my day. She wasn't perfect, she would be the first to admit it. However, she was perfect to me.

Now, I make the inquiries,it might be an early morning call to say hi and how are you doing, or still my favorite right after school when the news is fresh, not because I am nosey, but because I love you guys. How was your day? Just like my mom!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

They Just Like To Mess With You

I don't watch television that much any more. There are a few good shows that I enjoy. They are well written, simplistic and can be related to on some level. I am one of those people who tends to get emotional invested in the characters of my favorites. I know it is an unwise choice to make, because once you make that level of commitment the network likes to mess with you.

There are several devious ways that this occurs. First is, the "ole switch a rue", let's move you from Thursday night to Sunday night. Ok, let's get rid of the original writers and kill off one of the supporting characters. Once these mental torments begin to occur you want to pledge to move on to another show, station and boycott, but you don't. Mostly, it is based on your loyalty to the fictional character and your deep desire to see them resolve their issues and land in the dimension of happiness and contentment..it doesn't happen. Then the jerks , cancel the show, well why not they have ruined it with all of their experimentation and attempts to gain a profit from advertising. Creative allegiance flies out the window and the almighty dollar speaks again.

My brother is sending me 40 cassettes of old radio shows from the 30's, 40's and early 50's. I am going to become a convert.

Just Thinking

Have you ever noticed how life is full of interesting transitions? The early years you are dependent on your family for role modeling, providing life guidelines and expectations. In the preadolescence phase we look to influences outside the immediate family circle. We learn from our peer groups and the influences of our educational system team as our environmental sphere begins to widen. We develop friendships with same gender friends and as we get older we realize the other option isn't too bad and can sort of be tolerated too.

If we are raised by progressive parents, we are stimulated by extracurricular activities, such as team sports, church and community involvement. All of these factors shape our existence and our emotional make-up. They also help us to move through each transition and shape our sphere of influence. We think about what we want to expose or not expose the future generation to and how their experiences will be different from our own. We weigh the positive,the negative and we sift through what we felt were redeemable positive factors. We choose to eliminate those which we felt conflicted about and implement others. It is the circle of life, each generation leaving a mark that says I was here and this is what I have left you. Sift,look,and add something wonderful.

I think about my own childhood influences, exposures and modeling. Church, community service, and family were strong components. I loved the summers because it brought other options. I remember one summer in particular when I was in my early teens. I was exposed to the movies of the 40's. The stations would run them during the late hours of the evening of the summer. TV and late night viewing had a way of connecting me to my mother and her teen years. She provided all of the trivia commentary about my favorite actors, Gable, Turner, Hutton, Mayo, Day, Kelly, Astaire, Rogers, Niven..the list is endless. The 40's musicals were wonderful and the instrumental ingredient that promoted my passion for music. Those moments generated a dialogue between us that was memorable and allowed me to know the teenage girl that lived inside my mother.

Sinatra was the rage in her teen years, for my brothers it was the King, Elvis, and for me, lowest on the totem pole, it was the Beatles. I gravitated towards the bubble gum music of Bobby Vee, Frankie Valli, and loved Frankie Avalon. No matter who it was, once you connect through music, you have an avenue of communication that is endless and offers appreciation for nearly all of it. I loved the war songs, and to hear my mother speak of each one that was special to her gave me insight.

I'll Be Seeing You , was a favorite because she would sing it to my dad before he shipped out. I love that song, I could feel her emotion and innocent love for a sailor when it played. She was only 17 years old when they met and eloped before he hit the Pacific. No matter how many years passed, when that song played the way they looked at one another was through the eyes of 17 and 19 year olds. There was always a silly smile and laugh to go along with it, a secret only they shared.They fondly remembered Roosevelt, fireside chats, and the patriotism that pulled a nation together. That kind of innocence and heroism is what the 40's gave us. Hope and recovery from the Depression that provided the wealth of the 50's for the "Howdy Doody" kids.

My upbringing was not perfect, my parents did not have a College Education. They were the hard working class. They were honest, hard working, and my dad was tempermental. They did their best to raise a family and provide them with the tools needed to pass the baton. I sifted through the lessons learned, eliminated what did not work for me and implemented what I valued. I was not perfect ( am not perfect), my kids aren't perfect, but they are intelligent. They have the ability to sift and make their own decisions about what worked for them and what they desire to pass on to the next generation.

I watch and I worry a bit, but these are their choices, their time and I am learning to be an observer just like my own mother.


I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

Finally, The Apple Doesn't Fall Too Far From The Tree

My daughter has a blog, a fan base and I check in every once in a while. It seems THEY don't like, "mommy blogs". Those blogs, which are devoted to the offspring and their cute antics, filled with all the sugar and gue that goes with it. That's fine, because I don't have a fan base. It's just me alone with my thoughts as I take a nice stroll down my road. So if my thoughts tend to meander around a child, kid, grand kid or two then that is where we will go.

I was driving with my son yesterday and we were listening to the sound track of "The Jersey Boys";the Broadway musical based on the life of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Our conversation centers on Frankie's falsetto and the fact that he is actually a baritone. My son is a baritone, with the most gorgeous deep resonating tone. He laughs and begins to attempt the falsetto, singing Sherry

GJ: Man, how does he do that? ( laughing )

Me: He doesn't sing it with his normal voice, he is moving into the falsetto, lift the back of your tongue and just try it.

GJ: Now?

ME: Yeah, why not, who is going to hear you , but me? ( laughing)

I love music, I have been a singer since I was 8 years old when my brother bought me my first record player for Christmas. I loved how the music spoke to me and how it made me feel to be a part of it. I learned to use my voice, to imitate sounds and let go. I was the soloist during several productions in Junior High. I was in the small ensemble groups in High School and I sang ( gulp) in local clubs as an adult. Music has always spoken to me and I have always wanted to share that passion with my children. I have two older girls, 31 ( the blogger) and 27 ( the Theatre Major..tone deaf) and my big surprise, my 16 year old son. Right when I was ready to accept that none of my kids would share my passion, my son discovers his voice ( after nature adjusted it for him)last summer. He auditioned for the High School Chorale ( senior choir) and got in. He loves it, he breathes it and he loves 50's, 60's and the Classics.

GJ: ( voice cracking) laughing SH----erry Baaaaby, Sh-----erry Can You Come Out Tonight.
Me: Hey, see I told you, not bad...it's your instrument and you can work with it and control what you are doing. Check out the vibrato on the falsetto...cool
GJ: laughing...That's crazy.

It is such an amazing feeling to share this with my son, to hear him sing and to ask for my help. I love his enthusiasm before a concert and the dedication he has to this group of students and his Chorale Director. It reminds me of my passion and love for the group I made music with so many years ago and how much we loved our director. I love being able to relate to him in this place,this time,and with music.

Finally, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree!

The Learning Experience

This has been a year of unexpected and uncertain change for me. I was not sure what I was going to be doing after graduation , but I wanted to head to the classroom and test the waters as an instructor. I felt it would be an opportunity to see if I would truly enjoy the view from the "other side" of the podium. I have spent the past 26 years in the classroom as an observer, volunteer, employee, student and now in a certificated capacity. I did not think I would be too surprised by the view from my new perspective. What I have found is that it isn't too different from what I had expected to find in some cases and big surprises in others.

There are teacher's who are there because they" live and breath", the chance to make a difference and there are those who are there for "themselves". There are those who have been here a long time and have seen many changes in the attitudes and behaviors in each new class as it arrives after summer vacation. They reflect on the lack of parent participation and the heavy criticism doled out from the home front , as well as the growing disrespect and empathy that seems to seep in more and more from the student body. Is there a direct correlation , a relationship, between student attitude change and a lack of parent participation?

I have taught in school districts where language was a huge barrier and have encountered more family support and positive attitude than those in the more affluent areas of our community. These people know they are coming from a disadvantage point and they want their children to have a better life. They know that education is "power" and it will help improve their future. The students in these settings are polite, helpful and respectful. Their parents want everything that the school system has to offer for their student. If they offer after school programs of "intervention", they want them there. If they offer additional reading help before school, they will get their child there. I see people who want to change their circumstances, therefore they are involved and the attitude is positive.The rewards flow in both directions. The children receive the additional assistance and the school receives extra volunteer help.

In the schools that are in the more affluent areas of my community, I see just the opposite. Many of the parents do not get involved and are the first to complain or give their students their permission to question the authority of the teacher and the class rules. Many of these rules have been put into place in order to organize and move the students through blocks of time in order to meet the State required standards. It is not easy to keep 34 students focused when they don't want to be there to begin with and they have been taught to disrespect authority.

I actually had one student stand up and announce in front of the class that his mother said he did not have to do what I told him to do. This was a student who already had a record of disciplinary problems, so I was simply "fresh meat". He was right , he didn't have to follow the rules, that was his choice. My choice was to remove him from the classroom where his attitude could not effect someone else.

This year has been a learning experience for me, which is what life is all about. You are never too old to learn or explore new ideas, all it takes is an open mind and heart and a desire to make a difference. One thing that has not changed as far as I am concerned, children need to be taught to respect their elders, school is important and requires a partnership between home and school in order for it to be beneficial for everyone. We as parents are capable of gleaning a great deal from what our kids go through and they learn by watching our example.