To Tan or Not To Tan...yep That's the "?"

I have been told that I have lost my sense of humor, by numerous people, I think they may possibly be right. After the experiences I have had over the past week I should be laughing my glutes off ( wouldn't that be nice..that would save a bundle). Yesterday took the cake, so to speak ( been on a stupid diet forever CAKE..chocolate cake with fudge frosting...digressing) .

I have been preparing my lists for my next trip, Oahu - not my idea of a vacation spot but who am I to complain, and there it is in big pink hi-lighted letters...TAN. Ok , I researched the possibilities in town for a tan fix. Well, at my age there is no point in adding risk and additional wrinkles to this fast maturing body. I ruled out a tanning bed, been there done that..nope. Ok, we must have a" Ross" place around here somewhere (Friends, count to 10 and turn around...ok) after all, this is Sunny California, yes sunny and I'm not going out there without sunscreen..so what would be the point. Here we go, I opened the mail and found that my skin specialist was running a special on spray tanning..just what I wanted. I called and set up an appointment. As I climbed the stairs to the luxurious office of cranberry reds and golds accented with black, I began to think ( great timing). I wonder what one wears to such a tanning process, I mean if it spurts you, won't stuff get painted or dipped or something...

I walk into the office and sit down, grab a bottled water, eye the cookies ( yes one of these places) and I see all these lovely tanned ladies..feel'n pretty good..good choice. Then this sweet "tiny" 22 year old peers around the corner and calls me back.

Tiny ( b....) young lady- I don't know how modest you are but I have these for you ,( handing me two teeny tiny itsy bitsy ( what the hell is this) black thingies). Just put them on and I'll be right back.

Me- back? Ugh what about Ross? You know shut the door count to 10 and turn around?

Tiny ( bi...)young lady- laughing ..oh no, see that? (Pointing to a beautiful silken wrap lying on the floor in front of a wall draped in what I can only describe as Harem Curtains with bells and tassels) you're going to stand there and I am going to spray you down.

ME- laughing nervously, oh sure you are, you mean like a spray painter? Dear lord my father was a spray painter...no, no, no....

Tiny( bit..) young lady- laughing..oh yeah I did my mom yesterday and she looks gorgeous.

ME- really?! well...let the games begin... I'll be right with you.( Young thing exists) ok, now ( removing the glad wrap...) what the heck is this...ok ..dear lord...ok..and there is a mirror in here....shit...( note to self.. this area needs lipo too).

Tiny ( bitc.) young lady- Are you ready?

Me- Uh well, maybe I should be asking you that question. Are you really wanting to see what you could look like in another 30 years? It will take real guts to walk through that door honey and I thought I had the hard part.(.stupid little teeny tiny itsy bitsy .....thingies UGH!!!!).


Well, she entered the room and began air brushing the most gorgeous tan on me that I have ever had. I laughed my butt off over this one and she was cry'n before we were done ( those "After" shots are hell on a poor young thing).

Well mark tan off the list , dear lord now I have to visit the Vietnamese pedicurist :0(